INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL: 4K UHD re-issue (Paramount, 2008) Paramount Home Video

In the age of trilogies, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) appeared to cap off a decades-long infatuation with the famed archeologist and his globe-trotting adventures on a decidedly bizarre and thoroughly campy footnote. Alas, this obituary was short-lived, or rather, reinvented as a moratorium not to be taken seriously with the announcement that after an absence of 19 years, Harrison Ford would be returning to his fedora and whip for Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). So, ‘last crusade’ my foot! The resurrection of Indy, and, indeed, the continuation, in perpetuity for the Star Wars franchise, to forever destroy the continuity of the original 3-movies in that franchise with Lucas’ chronic and devastatingly short-sighted tinkering to bring them into line with his newly concocted storytelling, likely had something to do with his ugly divorce settlement from wife, Marcia in 1983 – the estimated net worth of that settlement somewhere between $35 and $50 million. There are conflicting views on the couple’s split, with some sources describing it as ‘amicable’ though it, nevertheless, created a distinct blow to the morale at Lucasfilm. Marcia, a co-owner in the company, probably received a lot more than is divulged in the records made public, leaving Lucas’ ability to maintain his beloved ‘Skywalker’ ranch and burgeoning ILM in jeopardy. And thus, with no ‘new’ prospects on which to guarantee badly needed box office revenue, Lucas began to rape his back catalog for badly needed profits. Retrospectively, it is pretty transparent, these later installments to each of his beloved franchises were made strictly to restore Lucas’ coffers. With each new movie, ground out like sausages, and, with a cookie-cutter mentality, the legacy of both franchises has been cheapened to its artistic detriment.  

Oddly, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), only the second movie in the franchise, had not been to either Lucas or director, Steven Spielberg’s liking, despite their total control over its creative content. Spielberg has, retrospectively debased the movie as too dark and apocalyptic, suggesting that it became a rather brooding piece, reflective of the inner tumult taking hold of Lucas during his divorce proceedings at the time. That may be. But Temple of Doom is a far more terrifying and exhilarating epic than any of the movies that followed it. It also seems to matter not to either Lucas or Spielberg that Temple of Doom was an even bigger hit than Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – the kick-start of this film franchise. If Last Crusade skewed to camp, mainly to ‘soften’ the blow of Temple of Doom and make our famed Dr. Jones more appealing for the matinee kiddies, it also hermetically sealed any hope that subsequent Indiana Jones movies would make even the slightest attempt at generating faux realism. In retrospect, Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a woefully misguided attempt to reboot and reinvigorate the franchise with Harrison Ford, now a weather-beaten and slightly paunchy 66, well past his prime to play the exotic and uber-masculine fortune hunter.

Scripted by David Koepp, Crystal Skull struggles to find its place, emerging as more of an addendum to, than a continuation of, the franchise. The absence between Last Crusade and Crystal Skull was mutually agreed upon by Spielberg, Lucas and Ford at the time, each desiring to pursue a more diverse palette of projects. In the interim, only Spielberg and Ford could claim to have hit the ground running. Lucas’ empire, alas, remained stagnant. Regrettably, the passage of time proved a grave disadvantage for the Indiana Jones franchise, as Ford was forced into the part of the sage, handing off the headier action/adventure stuff to his illegitimate son, Henry ‘Mutt’ Williams (played with forgettable machismo by the barely remembered, Shia LaBeouf). The screenplay reunited Indy with his first love, Marion Ravenwood (an aged Karen Allen) but advanced the narrative timeline to 1957, necessitating a change of villain. Gone were the Nazis, replaced by a virulent Cold War enemy, Col. Dr. Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett, affecting a painful Russian accent) who wastes no time kidnapping Indy and his friend, Mac George Michale (Ray Winstone) whom she then forces to search for alien remains kept secret in a secluded warehouse somewhere in Nevada.

Mac double-crosses Indy, who escapes and takes refuge inside a lead-lined fridge to avert radiation exposure from a nuclear explosion on a bomb test site. Later, Indy is prompted by Mutt to pursue the legend of the crystal skull in Peru after the disappearance of Professor Oxley (John Hurt). As the legend goes, anyone returning the skull to the mythic city of Akator will wield dominance over its alien powers. Mutt and Indy learn Oxley was placed in a mental hospital, after having suffered a complete mental breakdown from handling the skull, but was then kidnapped by the Soviets. Jones and Mutt are ambushed and thrown into a camp with Oxley and Marion. After several narrow escapes, the troop arrive with Spalko at an ancient temple deep in the jungle. The aliens use advanced mind control over their hapless human counterparts. Demanding to know everything, the aliens release Oxley from their trance and transfer the bulk of their knowledge into Spalko’s mind.  She is now their prisoner. They also activate an otherworldly portal into another dimension, into which Spalko and the rest of the Soviets are sucked. Indy, Marion and Mutt escape and in the final moments decide to finally marry.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is so transparently geared towards a transference of power from Ford to LeBeouf that it hurts. After all, these movies are supposed to be about Indiana Jones – not his son. And LeBeouf, try as he might, is a doughy and dour action star, more cocky than clever and far less appealing when whole portions of the movie are handed over to him to do the heavy lifting.  The plot is a mess, made weighty, yet meaningless by hokey vignettes slathered in dubiously fake-looking CGI. One of the sheer joys of the original trilogy was its clever staging of live action, particularly its animal-wrangling sequences. In Raiders we had snakes – real ones, cleverly set behind transparent glass partitions to spare the actors any dangerous interaction. In Temple of Doom there was a grotesque assortment of bugs to make the skin crawl - literally. Last Crusade had a justly celebrated sequence featuring live rats. In an attempt to outdo them all, Crystal Skull gives us an attack of computer-generated red ants. Alas, it doesn’t work. Borrowing on the same CGI used to create man-eating scarabs in The Mummy (1999), the red ant attack here is a wash, and worse, a blasé rip-off with zero shock value to be derived as the ants devour anyone unfortunate enough to get in their way. There are other missteps along the way. Forget the aforementioned escape from nuclear annihilation by hiding in a fridge. At one point, Indy swings on vines through the jungle like Tarzan. Blanchett, a reputable actress otherwise, herein cannot produce a credible Russian accent to save her life. Shia LeBeouf’s Mutt is a gangly wannabe fortune hunter, too curt, yet too precious to be Indy’s offspring. In the end, the pieces just do not fit and the story simply lumbers along to its inevitable conclusion. Despite its financial success – predicated more on fan-following generated by the first three movies – Crystal Skull remains the most unworthy successor to the original movie.

Paramount’s 4K of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is as appealing as the 4K remasters of the other 3 movies in this franchise with one distinct difference – its relative youth in film stocks, resulting in a grain structure that is slightly tighter, appearing here as very indigenous to its source. The UHD presentation really gives color saturation and overall color fidelity a boost, with fine details popping as they ought, and contrast and black levels yielding a velvety goodness that is sure to appeal. The Dolby Vision grading offers realistic flesh tones and exquisitely deep and glorious reds, browns, greens and oranges. If you know this movie’s color scheme, you’ll be over the moon with what’s here. This is a reference quality disc, virtually identical to the one previously released in Paramount’s 4-film box set, with an immersive Dolby Atmos audio. Prepare to give your speakers a real workout once again. This set contains only 3 trailers as extra features. Bottom line: as with Paramount’s other independent 4K releases of the previous 3 Indiana Jones’ movies, I see no earthly reason to repurchase these in separate packaging, shorn of the fifth disc that accompanied that set, teeming with behind-the-scenes goodies that are MIA herein. Especially since the 4K box set is readily available at retailers everywhere, these reissues are a pretty silly idea on Paramount’s part, wasting studio funds that might have been better spent remastering and releasing deep catalog still MIA from the studio in any format other than DVD! Dumb, silly, and thoroughly in keeping with Paramount’s general mismanagement of its home video apparatus! Just saying.

FILM RATING (out of 5 – 5 being the best)

1.5

VIDEO/AUDIO

5+

EXTRAS

0