DANGEROUS WHEN WET: Blu-ray (MGM, 1953) Warner Archive

The best part about director, Charles Walter’s Dangerous When Wet (1953) is its colorful main titles, photographed in roaring Technicolor through an aquarium of exotic fish, and, to a lesser extent, the cartoon dream sequence – then, considered a technical marvel of matte process and live action – needlessly inserted into the last third of the picture to unite America’s swimming sweetheart, Esther Williams alongside MGM’s popular cartoon duo, Tom & Jerry. For the rest, this disposable nothing, scripted by Dorothy Kingsley (based on a story idea of her own design) had Williams, as Katie Higgins, the eldest daughter in a family of physical fitness fanatics, resisting the romantic advances of Latin lothario, Fernando Lamas (whom Esther would wed in real life, sixteen years later), cast herein as sexy Frenchman, André Lanet. For Williams, the project was bittersweet as, the usually forthright aqua-star was then rounding out her second marriage to voice actor, Ben Gage – a lush and a sponge to have squandered all her hard-earned capital thus far on his drinking problem and gambling debts.

In the meantime, Williams, who in marriage was as faithful as a birddog, was also faced with warding off Lamas’ romantic overtures throughout the making of this movie. After one particularly exhaustive pursuit, in which Lamas – a strong swimmer – chased Williams back and forth across the pool during the shoot, he then proceeded to drive his co-star home wearing only a terry-cloth robe, placing Williams’ hand on his erect crotch, presumably as a prelude of things to come – literally and figuratively. So, apparently Lamas was equally as dangerous – wet or dry. Lamas, it ought to be pointed out, was then involved with Lana Turner and possibly Ava Garner. Almost immediately upon Williams’ polite rejection of his advances, Lamas would dump Turner to wed Arlene Dahl, the ex-wife of 50’s Tarzan beefcake, Lex Barker (who ultimately went with Turner as his consolation prize). A real chummy little group, n’est pas?

All this backstage badinage proved a lot more fascinating than the resultant picture, made on a relatively diminutive budget under the auspices of Dore Schary – who abhorred this sort of glossy entertainment, but tolerated it so long as it yielded solid box office. As Dangerous When Wet brought in $3,255,000 on its $1,465,000 outlay, everything was alright. But its popularity lay more in Williams’ established reputation as America’s mermaid than the quality of the work itself. This is one pedestrian affair, rating little more than a few errant bubbles from an aqualung. The plot is wafter thin and, frankly, dull to a fault. Katie Higgins is the wholesome daughter of dairy farmers (Charlotte Greenwood as Ma, and William Demerest as Pa). The brood also includes Donna Corcoran in a practically non-speaking part as Junior Higgins, and, Barbara Whiting as boy-crazy Suzie (she actually sings a song entitled, ‘I Like Men’), romantically interested in the muscle-bound he-hunk (Loren Tindall) helping scam artist, Windy Weebe (Jack Carson) peddle his health tonic, Liquipep. The Higgins family is slavishly devoted to physical fitness. Unfortunately, in absence of tending the farm (the MGM backlot looking uncharacteristically shabby), Pa has decided to mortgage everything on Windy’s advice they enter an international competition to swim the English Channel. 

From the outset, Windy is after Katie. But fellow swimmer, Gigi Mignon (Denise Darcel) is after him – “Bonjour, kid!” Once in England, with barely any money to spare, the family learns the channel’s distance is a grueling 20 miles that can seem like double that because of its strong currents and undertow. As only Katie illustrates the physical aptitude to conquer the course, she begins to aggressively train with Windy. During one of their sessions, a fog bank rolls in, obscuring Windy’s boat. Instead, Katie gets rescued by wealthy Frenchman, Andre Lanet, who instantly falls for her. Katie is disinterested in him…at first. But then, love takes its inevitable course. Katie, however, is certain Andre is a womanizer. His protestations to the contrary, and, his claim to reside with his devoted mother (Ann Codee) fall on deaf ears, despite the fact, it is all true. To settle her romantic confusion, Katie goes to bed and has a dream where she swims with Tom and Jerry but is constantly being dissuaded by an amorous octopus. At dawn, the swimmers begin their sojourn across the English Channel. Bad weather, rough tides and heavy winds discredit most of the competition. But Katie perseveres, eventually to claim the title and Andre’s heart. The morning after her glorious triumph, Pa Higgins knocks on Katie’s bedroom door only to have Andre answer it. Momentarily shocked, the family is elated after Katie presents them with a wedding band on her finger. It’s all been a very above-board romance after all.

Dangerous When Wet is a dampening experience. At barely 95-mins. it is one of Esther Williams’ shortest and most formulaic outings. Deprived of one of those big and glossy MGM aquacade spectaculars to cap off its finale, and featuring only 4 forgettable songs by Arthur Schwartz and Johnny Mercer (the best, ‘Ain’t Nature Grand’, sung by all the principals as they fall in love) we are instead meant to become engrossed in the story and Katie’s eleventh-hour triumph over these harsh elements. Too bad, there is not all that much to go on either. Esther looks ravishing in some designer, Helen Rose swimsuits and gowns and Lamas cuts an athletic figure in his form-fitted shirts. The supporting cast are competent, but disposable. It all looks great in vintage 3-strip Technicolor, with location work done in Southern California and the MGM backlot. The penultimate channel race was mostly shot in the Pacific Ocean with inserts made back in MGM’s saucer tank, a primitive agitator making waves to mimic the raging surf. In the end, the studio could chalk this one up as a winner – financially speaking. But viewed today, it really is forgettable froth at best. And, as the fifties wore on, MGM would discover its particular brand of studio-bound artifice would fast fall out of favor with audiences, to foreshadow the studio’s eventual demise.

The Warner Archive (WAC) seems intent on promoting Esther’s lesser movies ahead of her big and splashy screen spectacles. Of the 3 thus far released to Blu-ray, only Million Dollar Mermaid (1952) ranks among her top-tier efforts. William’s entre to the aquacade subgenre, Bathing Beauty (1944) ought to have come first. Ditto for 1953’s Easy to Love – in hindsight, the final jewel in her crown. On this occasion, Dangerous When Wet sports WAC’s usual high-water competency for video mastering. It should be noted Dangerous When Wet has always looked pretty darn good on home video – even on VHS. In hi-def, it positively sparkles. The Technicolor palette is robust. Contrast is excellent. Fine details are evident, even during the darkest sequences. A light smattering of film grain is in check. Age-related artifacts are nowhere to be found. The 2.0 DTS mono exhibits a crispness that bodes well for dialogue and the score. It looks and sounds fantastic. Extras are rather robust, to include a deleted musical number, an audio interview with Esther Williams, Pete Kelly and Tom and Jerry shorts, and a trailer! Bottom line: Dangerous When Wet is a fairly featherweight flick, good for a rainy day’s diversion, though not much else. Judge and buy accordingly.

FILM RATING (out of 5 – 5 being the best)

2

VIDEO/AUDIO

5+

EXTRAS

0